Personal “Preference” or Personal Prejudices?

Posted: July 10, 2014 in fuckery, race
Tags: ,

So I’ve shared and have seen shared this BuzzFeed link, 33 Realest Tumblr Post About Being a Person of Color. Being a fan of the site, I feel this.

Now, for the most part, when I’ve seen it shared, one particular quote gets isolated:

number 27


And like clockwork, some poor dear has to chime in with “But what about my personal preferences? Am I racist if I don’t find Blacks or Asians or Latinos or whatever attractive?”, followed by a flurry of soothing the poor dear’s hurt fee-fees.

Well, I just stopped by to stomp on your fee-fees and tell you that you sound pretty damned racist.

Now hear me out.  What I have discovered as a Lady of Color who had bedded more than her fair share of not-Black folk is that when someone says “I don’t date Black chicks”, they tend to mean “I don’t date people who are a specific exaggerated stereotype I have in my head and it’s just easier to lump even black woman in the universe than to bother really thinking about it”.  And what do we normally call folks who lump all of a race into an exaggerated stereotype?

“But Femi!,” I hear you cry.  “What if I just don’t find Black  people attractive at all?”


You’re telling me you live in a world populated with ladies like Lupita Nyong’o, Kerry Washington, and Hallie Berry, and men like Shemar Moore, Denzel Washington, and Idris Motherfucking Elba exist, and there isn’t a single solitary person of African decent that don’t stir you in the pants just a little?  Sorry, I am NOT buying it.

And neither is this Tumblr poster right here:

number 9


And on the flip side, those who are all “I’m SOOOO attracted to Asians” need to check out this quote from that Buzzfeed list:

number 24

ASIAN IS NOT A PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTIC. Every last one of those people pictured is identified as “Asian”.  Again, do you perhaps mean some exotic West Asian Lotus Flower, or a Yamato Nadeshiko type from Japan?  Again, you’re doing a hell of a lot of lumping, so fuck that.

I’m not saying “Don’t have personal preferences” or “You must put out for anyone who asks, whether you’re attracted to them or not”. Hell, I have preferences, but I at least fucking TRY not to insult an entire group of individuals based on simple stereotypes.

So yeah, think about what you’re saying, because you risk sounding racist as hell.  If you’re not into gang bangers, say so!  If you want a submissive types, say so! You want somebody who’s good at math, speaks their mind, enjoys skydiving, and makes a mean casserole, say so!  Don’t lump other races together because you’re too damn lazy to think about what actually attracts you, because in the fucking end, none of us know for sure what our lizard brains will find pretty and/or fuckable.

Now go take your fee-fees and ponder that.

  1. Robert says:

    This concerns me. As a gay white American man, I have never had a white partner. I did have sex with one in college, but that was just sport sex. My first husband was Panamanian-Chinese, and my current husband is African-American. Between them (chronologically), I covered most of the globe south of Sicily and east of Samarkand.

    Is it a problem that I do not seem to consider my fellow white guys as possible romantic partners?

    • Feminace says:

      I don’t see your situation as a problem, honestly. My partner is white. I didn’t go out of my way to look for a white man, it was just how we clicked. Perhaps is the same for you?

  2. Robert says:

    No, it’s not the same. I find very few white men attractive – as in, maybe one a decade. The idea of being in an intimate partner relationship with one is as hard to imagine as being with a woman. Given everything you’ve said in your (well written, engaging and passionately argued) post, what does it say about me that I simply disregard an entire swath of men for no better reason than physical appearance? My husband is a gem, and I’ve been happily besotted with him for almost twenty years – but if he looked like Benedict Cumberbatch or Channing Tatum, I’d have never even noticed he was there.

    I don’t usually think about it like this, but when I read about it from your perspective, it makes me wonder – is there something wrong with me that I don’t find white men attractive?

    • Feminace says:

      I’d put it this way: “Never say never”. Unless you can honestly say you’ve eyed every single white man in existence and found them all wanting – which we both know is impossible – then you can’t really say that you don’t find them attractive at all.

      In case I’m coming off like a know-it-all, I used to have the same deal with men of my own race (dated one in high school and haven’t since) and I had to call myself out on saying “maybe I’m just not attracted to black men at all.” It was a lie I was telling myself, because if I could find even one black man attractive…then I was saying something that wasn’t even true.

      I wouldn’t worry overmuch about it, though. You’re not basing your opinion on some stereotyped caricature. I wish you and your hubby 20 more years of togetherness 🙂

  3. Robert says:

    Thank you. That was helpful.