Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Blogmaster’s note: This is not the place for shitting on every parent or CBC in the world.  This is for shitting on folks with shitty opinions.  Please keep that in mind.

Okay, so confession time: I used to a frothing at the mouth, sprog-detesting, childfree-by-choice personlady.  I grew up as an older female child in a pack of six, so you can just imaging how much gruntwork childcare I had to do for kids that were not my own (it wasn’t all bad, I got to teach at least two of my sibs how to walk, and that was cool).  Of course, being the loner introverted mess I was and still am, the thought of having a baby that I couldn’t give back to mom sent me into fits.  I visited bulletin boards and forums and Livejournal pages dedicated to those like me who never wanted children at all.  Ever.

They were varying levels of hostility, of course, from just annoyed with parents asking for grandkids to full out frothing kidhate.  And I ran the gamut, depending on mood and mental status and whether I was home or back at the college dorm.  This was back in the early 2000s, betedub.

Now, I’m still childfree, but a lot less hostile about it.  My issue with children isn’t that they’re children, it’s that they’re loud and have the exact pitch in voice that pings my misophonia something fierce. Not their fault.  My discomfort with anything growing inside me and the pain of childbirth is all on me.  I also tend to be more annoyed at their parents for doing things that most people would facepalm about.  No, Junior doesn’t need to run around a restaurant where servers are holding trays of hot food.  No, it’s really not cute with Precious tugs at my hair while we’re on the bus.  You know, those things.

Today, we’re gonna have a little chat with one of “those” parents.  The ones that make even my parent friends want to throttle.  The, as a friend put it so nicely,  “self absorbed martyr complex” parent who believes that the choice to not have children is selfish.

Oh dear, where do I even start?

How about that title.  At first read, I was like:


I’m really hoping someone else came up with that, because seriously, deteriorating society?  Lay of the dramatics, please.

Next up, nice picture.  Cute kids, happy mom. Wish it would have ended there.

Your life is not a possession that children will destroy, ladies.
The childless by choice movement has taken thirty-somethings by storm and is now trickling down to women in their 20s, single or otherwise, as soon as they see their life as a possession that children destroy.

I can’t even count the number of articles I’ve seen on this topic, most recently this one, in which the author names a few basic reasons why she is confident she’ll never want kids, with the grand conclusion that her personal happiness is most important — and that children put that happiness in dire danger. The piece went viral, and it’s far from the first proud declaration against procreation.

Firstly, where the hell have you been?  CBC has been a thing since I was, again, in my early 20s.  I’m glad it’s picking up steam with more articles and more spotlight, but this ain’t new. Fuck, Scalzi was trolling a group back in 2002.

But these are the child-hating, “breeder” dissing folks you’re discussing.  It’s young women making their choice out loud, and some finally being heard and getting the sterilizations they need.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m thrilled women are able to separate their feminine worth from their desire and ability to bear children.

Good.  Another spot where you could have stopped and been fine.  Mostly.  This is a great moment for feminism.

And then you had to start fucking up.

That’s a huge step for social progress. But I’m afraid it’s taken us in the wrong direction. The reasons these women are touting — sacrificing sleep, money and time, to name a few — don’t defend a woman’s right to be childless, they defend a woman’s right to be selfish.

Oh noes, women being aware of what raising a tiny human entails and deciding not to take that up are SELFISH?  And deciding that in a world with 7 billion people, that you must add to it isn’t?

Surprise, we get to be selfish. And we all do.  Would you consider someone refusing to take the time and training to become an astronaut or a doctor selfish?

And this push for preserving “self” above all else takes us down a dangerous path — one that’s not particularly safe for the individual and one that will surely lead to deterioration for society as a whole. We live in a culture where personal freedom and comfort have gone from privileges to our top priorities. We’ve long lost the beauty of sacrifice.

Jesus Christ on a unicycle, lady. Tone it the fuck down.

As another dear friend on Facebook posted upon reading this mess:

…our crime rates are at historic lows, we’re seeing real progress among the young people on issues like racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and classism, our economy’s improving, the youth of today read more and write more than their parents or grandparents ever did, knowledge is widely and freely available, and in general we’re making good progress on many issues that were thought intractable just ten years ago.

There is that whole climate change thing, of course, but that’s not something that having more children would fix.

So by what metric is society deteriorating?

Is it the gays?  I bet it’s the gays.  Or maybe birth control.  AND the gays.

And seriously, are you American (apologies if you’re not)? Personal freedom and comfort are two of the things we crow about this here country running on.

And the beauty of sacrifice?  I can’t roll my eyes any harder without them falling into my head.  Are you seriously implying that having and raising children is the only way women can sacrifice?  Because that’s some sexist bullshit.  We, and those with uteruses who do not ID as women, have been dependent on the whims of our wombs for long enough.  The freedom of birth control severed that link so we could, if we wanted to, do other things with our lives.  That is a good thing.

I can’t promise that you’ll be happier if you have children, but I can promise you this: if you only live a life of self, if you continue to cherish personal freedom and protect everything you “deserve” over giving of yourself to others, you won’t thrive. The sacrifices you make when you have children are things you need to exercise to be a person of value — from a quality employee to a reliable friend, and especially a loving spouse.

You’re damned right you can promise happiness with children, and for fuck’s sake, STOP EQUATING NOT HAVING CHILDREN WITH LIVING A SELFISH LIFE.  I hate to burst your little bubble here, but people are capable of being reliable friends, quality employees, and loving spouses sans giving birth.  No, really. And there are plenty of shitty friends, worthless employees, and hateful spouses who have made use of their reproductive systems. I can’t believe I have to say this to another human being.

Seriously, I’m not surprised if folks who are infertile haven’t started with pitchforks and torches. Are they incapable of being decent humans, too?

Thinking only about what’s good for you won’t lead to a happy life.

Why? Because that life lacks love and true love requires selflessness and sacrifice. Giving of your own life for the flourishing of another isn’t subservient, backward thinking. It isn’t “toxic” as pop-psychology often calls it.

How do you know?

Seriously.  How do you know that a life where someone considers their wants first won’t lead to a happy life?  And really, deciding to have a kid isn’t thinking of yourself in some way?  Especially the way you’re framing is as “suuuch a sacrifice”.

No, it’s more like heroism. It’s Harry Potter, the Iron Giant, Frodo Baggins… a glimpse of Jesus Christ on the cross. We love these characters because their complete personal sacrifice is so exceptional. Reflections of that type of sacrifice toward your colleagues, community, friends, and family are part of a life full of love.


Oh my gosh, if you could only see how your own examples prove your entire premise to be so fucked up.  Let’s see:

  • Harry Potter was a child during all of his grand “save the world” adventures, and at the time, had no kids of his own
  • I’m pretty sure the Iron Giant didn’t have kids either.
  • Frodo Baggins also didn’t have kids during his grand adventures.
  • Jesus Christ.  JESUS CHRIST. Jesus Christ.  The man whose sacrifice supposedly saved all of humanity, also, according to the canon most Christians accept, did not have children.  Ever.

Gee whiz, it’s like you don’t have to have children in order to be selfless, or give a shit about your family, community, friends, blah, blah, blah.

And the fact that your examples are all male is really telling.  No one tells men that not being a father means that they’re selfish people destined to live a me-focused terrible life.  You should think on that shit.

No, women don’t need to have kids. But I argue that for a fulfilled life, you do need to participate in something that requires the curtailing of your freedom, desire and personal needs. Giving birth is the most tangible way to do this but it’s by no means the only way. It’s absolutely within your realm of choice and privilege to not literally give birth to life. But if it’s not through procreation, then please, for the sake of the world my children will live in, please find other ways to give life to others.

Oh, now, several paragraphs in, you propose other ways to give to the world.  Pity you’re still hung up on giving birth as being the best way.  Oh, I’m sorry, most tangible.  Because those folks building houses for Habitat for Humanity or serving up food at homeless shelters or organizing protests aren’t doing ANYTHING tangible.  Nope, carrying a fetus and pushing it out of your womb is the MOST tangible way.

Fuck you.  Oh and worry about your own kids.  It’s not our job.

At this point I skipped some paragraphs because it’s most “Oh, look at all the work that goes into children and wasn’t the 50s nice when (mostly white, mostly middle class and up) women were regulated to the household”. And then she goes in on another contributor, who volunteered for sterilization at 28 (lucky her):

This rant illustrates my point exactly. Yes, she has every right to not have children, but there are good reasons to not have children and these simply aren’t them. She’s giving, self-admittedly, a spoiled and selfish explanation of why she won’t have kids and disguising it as social progress.

It makes surface sense to apply this author’s “I don’t want to get out of my comfort zone” feelings toward children because no one wants to see children with a mother who’s not willing to nurture them, and so we cheer her on. But truth be told she’s going to have to confront these issues any time she wants something worth hard work.

flipped birds

Wow, lady.

And we’re reached the crux of this whole “rant” (see, I can be a condescending jerk too).  Look, you may be A mother, but you are not OUR mother.  You are certainly not this writer’s mother, which makes this sound like some kind of finger wagging advice no one fucking asked for.  Given that you’re one of those bullshit surrendered wives, I shouldn’t be all that surprised that your backwards ass ‘advice’ comes off like the overly concerned preacher’s wife who can’t get out of everyone’s business. You don’t know what her deal is.  You don’t know her struggles, and you damn sure don’t know what issues she’s facing, or what “hard work” she has to endure.  Fucking hell.

I can’t finish this shit, but here’s two more bits that’re facepalmy:

It’s so very 28 of us to want what we want when we want it.

You sound bold and brazen at 28 but what about 82?

You know, if you bothered doing just a bit more research than reading one essay and digging into your own ass, you’d find that question is so common and boring and answered 20 bajillion times already by people who are happy to give their reasons.  Here’s mine:

I refuse to live my life thinking about what I’ll regret in my dotage.


And two:

But what you’re really saying is that you’re an island, the only one worth serving, that your offspring are not worth your blood, sweat and tears. Which is your call to make. Just make sure you find something that is worth it. Because blood, sweat and tears? That’s what life is all about.

No one is saying “you’re an island, the only one worth serving.” YOU ARE, you horrible excuse for a carbon-based organism. And stop it with the two-faced, “Do what you want, but make sure blah blah blah.”  You are not okay with our choice.  You are so not okay with it, so stop being so damn triffling and wishywashy about it.

Also, “blood, sweat, and tears”?  This may surprise you, because it would require pulling your head out of your ass long enough to take a clean breath, but that can mean a lot of things to everyone.  For you, it’s raising kids.  For me, it’s living with my disabilities and trying to entertain.  For someone else, it could be training guide dogs, or fighting fires, or working as a nurse in a maternity ward, or being a writer. That’s the entire point of living for one’s self, not this “one man’s an island, I’m selfish all the time, mememememe” bullshit you’re trying to push.

So, in short, fuck this article and fuck this writer.  Fuck her for being condescending, fuck her for on one side of her neck praising social progress, and on the other side, pining for a time where a women’s place was in the home (women meaning, of course, white and middle-class or higher). Fuck her for trying to come off as some kind of martyr for doing what millions of people do every fucking day (raise their children). Fuck her for defining what sacrifice is, and then attempting to backtrack with some weaksauce “now you don’t HAVE to have children” after hammering that shit for paragraphs.

Climb off the cross.  We need the wood.  Or is that not ‘tangible’ enough for you?

‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ is about more than just the actual shooting of unarmed people by cops and vigilante assholes.

It’s about the blatant disrespect and ass covering. It’s about leaving a body on the ground for 4.5 hours while they try to find an excuse for why he’d dead. It’s about handcuffing a victim’s 14 year old sister because she dared freak out at seeing her 12 year old brother shot dead. it’s about yelling at a girlfriend for nearly an hour before telling her that her partner is dead, because you need to find SOME excuse for why this man was shot for holding a gun in an open carry state. It’s putting a gun to mourning people’s faces, assuming they will behave like pack animals and rip you apart for wronging one of theirs if you don’t put the boot to their necks first. It’s being so terrified of black and brown faces that instead of calling 911 when one is at the door, hurt and seeking help, you fire your shotgun, like this woman was a rabid dog. It’s laughing at the “man in a dress” as HER life bleeds away, instead of doing your fucking job and saving her life.  It’s ignoring a operator’s suggestion to stay back from confronting a “dangerous” young man because of the hoodie he was wearing. It’s also the hours of keeping that young man’s family from the body. It’s the blatant lie that people who have been searched, handcuffed and placed in the back of a cop car somehow managed to magically shoot themselves to death – and the fact that that lie is told over and over again.

It’s being called a “demon”, an “it”.  It’s having it be perfectly understandable that people would be afraid for their lives while confronting one of our savage youth.  Of course you fought for your life.  Of course he ran at you, all hulked up like the fucking Hulk.  Of course he challenged a cop in uniform.  Because that’s just what “they” do.

It’s modern day lynching. Death for minor misdemeanors. Death for being at the wrong place, wrong time, in the wrong color. “He was resisting arrest” is the new “He whistled at a white woman.”

It’s having our lives picked apart after death to find some evidence of how we deserved our deaths. Any hint that our lives weren’t perfect, and if we’re too young to have really had a life, that our parents’ lives weren’t perfect, is up for grabs.  It’s having no one care that we had families who love us, that we attended school, that we had futures, and having people care more about rap lyrics and sagging pants and backward hats and hand gestures. It’s checking our very blood for substances that magically make us more vicious, so we HAD to be put down. Because it’s easier to see us as savage animals other than people. Because actual killers with pale faces get more respect than our victims with dark faces.

It’s telling me that temporary interruptions to your shopping trip or commute are more important that making you aware of this shit. It’s telling me that my anger is wrong. It’s telling me that I, that WE, should quietly protest, out of the way of ‘normal’ people, to not be so angry, to wrap your feelings in bubble wrap and treat them as fragile, so that we can be ignored yet again when the media stops paying attention.

It’s declaring yourself “so done” with hearing us. Like we are naughty children who have been tantruming too long and need naps. Like we’re not tired of having to justify our lives over and over and fucking over again, from slavery to lynchings to medical experiments to cop murders.  If only we all could be “so done”.

It’s having to stop our momentum when two cops are shot by a raging jackass to mea culpa, and have everything and everyone blamed from our movement to Obama to Al Sharpton for the crime, while the two braintrusts from Las Vegas who shot two cops, fueled by conservative media and extremists who have actually aimed guns at law enforcement, are considered lone wolves.  It’s being considered a collective “you people” while white criminals are seen as individuals.

It’s more than just a series of shootings.

Could I Have Been Shot?

Posted: December 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

My Mom sold weed when I was little.

I knew it then, adults weren’t as slick as they thought they were.  She sold it and she and her friends smoked it.  Despite the teachings of the D.A.R.E program in school, I knew all that weed did was make grown up silly and hole up in the living room to watch porn and exploitation movies (though I didn’t know exactly what those were until much, MUCH later).  Seemed pretty harmless to me.

Until I learned another thing that could happen if you sell weed.  You can have your house raided by the cops.

The night of the raid, Little Sister Number One (and at that time only) and I were already in bed.  We shared a room with our bedridden and perpetually out of it grandfather.  That night, the Rottie-Chow mix that belonged to Mom’s boyfriend started barking her head off in the backyard.

Then I heard the backdoor being burst open.  “Police! Get down!”

Every thing happened so fast after that.  Suddenly the bedroom door was shoved(kicked?) opened and there was a cop with a gun and a flashlight pointed at us.  The sound of me and LSNO’s screams (we were 10 and 8 respectively) still haunt me to this day.

The cop put the gun down and I had to explain that Granddaddy couldn’t get up and was harmless, and we were escorted to the couch in the living room to sit with Momma, still bawling from fear. I remember what was on the television.  US troops had just arrived in Iraq, to save Kuwait in the first invasion.

They found enough weed to put Momma, her boyfriends and an uncle who had been staying with us in handcuffs.  In order to distract the kids from the sight, one of the cops brought us over to the drug dog, who was gracious enough to allow us to give belly rubs.  Did I mention we were terrified kids?  Fuck, dogs still scare me.  But if it calmed down LSNO, then I would play along.

We ended up being driven over to a cousin’s house with clothes for school the next day.  It was strange and I still can’t remember how Momma came home two days later, but that memory sticks in my mind to this day.

And today, I can’t help but think about the babies and children hurt and killed by overzealous cops while raiding their homes.  What if that officer got it in his head that we were dangerous?  Who knows, we may have been hiding guns in our Popples dolls.  We were too panicked to ‘get down’.  What if he thought that was enough disrespect to shoot us?  What if he didn’t believe that Granddaddy was too sick to comply and shoot him? Shit, what if they decided to plug Lady the dog with bullets for barking too loud?

I think about these things.  I cry about these things.  Because today, apparently, that’s perfectly acceptable police behavior.

And that is a crying fucking shame.

“But MLK said…” STAHP!

Posted: November 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

Woke up from a nap with something on my mind.

Can the people posting MLK quotes in order to make the protests/revolt in Ferguson seem against the man’s wishes just fucking stop?

There are many reasons, but here are a few that immediately come to mind:

A) The man’s memory isn’t a fucking clicker you can whip out to make us ‘animals’ behave.
B) He did great things, but he’s not the Black Messiah. We don’t pray to him, we don’t pray towards him, we don’t burn incense for him, we don’t sing MLK carols, stop treating his memory like an invisible sheep herder you can invoke to keep the ‘animals’ in line.
C) Some of you seem very willing to cut off your memory of the man right before and after the I Have A Dream Speech. He may have used polite words, but his message was far from it. Read Letters from a Birmingham Prison. Read the speeches he gave around the too tragic end of his life.
D)He did almost everything right according to the Respectability Police: was well educated, dressed well, spoke well, promoted peaceful protest – and got shot in the fucking head for it anyway. It’s not the presentation, it’s the message.
E) He was treated as an enemy of the state by the FBI, a branch of the same government you insist we meekly submit to when they repeatedly make it clear that our lives don’t matter.
F) You wanna duel quotes? Look this one up: “A riot is the language of the unheard“. Guess who said that? You may also want to read the rest of what he said before and after that too.

Got it? Good. Now you can’t claim ignorance should someone read you for filth the next time you fix your fucking mouth to speak the man’s name again.

Hey all,

Femi’s been down in the super dumps for the past some odd, which means no escort shifts and a whole lot of depression and all the dark shit that follows (whee chronic everything!).  So she’s not been in a real ranty mood.

While I recover, I wanted to post a thing I did as a FB note some years ago.  Hope it will tide you all off.

Oh boy, I’m not going to make friends with this note. At all.

When someone tells you that they’ve been raped or sexually assaulted or harassed, there are things that are kind to say:

“I’m sorry.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“What an asshole.”

Those are empathic phrases, nice things to say.

You know what’s a really unkind to the point of stupid thing to say in this situation? Anything that sounds like a “shoulda/woulda/coulda”.

“I was there/if that was me, I woulda…”

“Why didn’t you…”

“If everyone carried guns/learned martial arts/screamed at assholes, this would never happen.”

…and let’s just throw every single “rape prevention” tip that has ever existed on that list.

Why is it ‘unkind’? Two reasons: it is a very polite way of blaming the victim and it forgets the concept of the freeze.

When you try to give someone who’s already been assaulted or harassed or raped advice on how to avoid their violation, you’re pretty much telling them “since you did not do this brilliant thing I’m suggesting, what were you expecting to happen?” It puts the onus on the victims to alter their behavior to avoid their attack. It assumes all rapists are strange men who hop out of the bushes and do their business. It ignores spousal rape, acquaintance rape, rape of men, rape of trans* folk, the rape of children and the elderly,  harassment by crazy fuckers on the subway who don’t take “no” or disinterest for an answer.  It pretty much says, “If you don’t ever leave the house and refuse to live your life, maybe you’ll never get raped.” It ignores the possiblity of escalation if the attacker really loses it if you fight or yell back.  It assumes that all attackers are just weak wlled cowards who will just back off if you say boo, and if you don’t say boo, you deserve what you get.

I’m sorry, do meek, quiet, shy, introverted, nonconfrontational people deserve to be raped, harassed, assaulted? Because that’s what such advice says. You might not mean it, but intent isn’t fucking magic.

Now let’s get to the freeze, and this one is a little rough and personal for me, so I’m not even going to try to be polite about it. Unless you’ve had extensive martial training until your instinct is to fight when threatened, then you have no fucking idea what you’re going to do when threatened. You don’t and it’s bullshit to even pretend.  Hell, you’re not even 100% sure what you’ll do even if you have the training or carry a gun or whatever. We may like to think we’re badasses and know just what we’ll do if some creep on the bus rubs his junk against your ass or if someone spikes your drink and you’re out of it and they’re taking advantage.

Until it actually happens. You might do just what you think you’ll do, say that witty thing, yell back, run off, fight back.

Or you might freeze. It’s a big possibly that you will freeze. When a scene that seemed safe turns bad, your mind might be stuck in “WTF is this actually happening” and your body might not move. While I was being assaulted sexually, I froze. I didn’t believe what the fuck was going on, my “no” and “stop” were ignored, his hands were still on me, he wasn’t going to stop, so I froze. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move until my ex-fiance (who thankfully followed my assailant out of worry that this shit might happened) started to yell from a distance.

Did I deserve to be assaulted because I didn’t start screaming my head off or whip out some crazy flailing moves to get myself out of the situation? I’ve been struggling with unneeded guilt about every single aspect of what happened to me that night, and it’s been hell getting to “that wasn’t my fault.”

Rapists and harassers aren’t going away. I know this. Even if there’s a beautiful change in society there will always be assholes of all stripes who don’t respect other people. But you know what doesn’t fucking help? Burdening victims with unhelpful advice. They need support, not a guilt trip of what they “didn’t do”. Trust me, they do enough of that on their own. They don’t need to know what you would have done, particularly if you’ve never been in that situation.

Yeah, there’s my tl;dr, support, not guilt.

I can’t believe I have to say this.

Statutory rape IS rape.

Statutory rape is STILL statutory rape even if the victim identifies as male.

Statutory rape is STILL statutory rape even if it matches your “hot for older women” fantasies.

It’s still rape.

It’s still rape.


No, really, hordes of men who flood any mention of the linked story, or any time a female teacher is caught boning one of her male students to argue that it’s not rape, that it needs another name, that boy deserves a medal because hubba-hubba, it’s still rape.

First of all, no one invited your boner in this conversation. No one gives a shit if you wished your teacher would have banged you in the back of her car.  Gross.  Stop it.  Put it away.

Second of all, you’re a double standard having piece of shit.  If the victim were a girl, most of you throwback would be chomping at the bit to arrest the dude (you know, if you also weren’t fantasizing about boning a girl).  You’re more than willing to deny teenage girls their sexuality/fantasies while just assuming “all boys are horny all the time and it’s doing them a favor to fuck them”. This isn’t a fucking porno flick. Eww. Stop it. Put it away.

There’s a reason why we have these laws in place – to punish older fucks who can’t keep their hands to themselves.  Because they’re supposed to.  Because we assume with age comes some sort of maturity and self-control.  And when that doesn’t happen, we punish those who aren’t capable of that maturity and self-control. No matter their gender.

This isn’t me denying teens their sexuality.  I may be ace, but I’m far from ignorant about being a teenager. But we can’t suss out how to legally (or even as a society) handle teens and other teens getting together when one’s close to the age of majority and the complications therein when we can’t even get a plain as day violation of a rape law through some folks’ skulls.  This is basic shit, and it’s basic shit we have to deal with every time this comes up.  Because some fucks can’t see past their boners.

Gross.  Stop it. Put it away.

Comment Policy?

Posted: October 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

…I suppose, as the hits die down from my previous post, I should probably let folks know how I operate this here blogthing.

Unlike a lot of other blogs that I enjoy and frequent and lurk, I’m not big on moderating long arguments or entertaining foolishness for very long, even if the foolishness is entertaining. So, just to be clear, especially those who seemed to have skipped the disclaimer at the end of the last post:

If you are a known quantity for being dull, or tedious, or shopping your tired ass arguments to every space available, I will snarkily reply and then ban you.  You want a place to spew your shit?  Start your own blog, I will happily ignore it.

Slurs of all sorts (sexist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, ablest and so on) are not tolerated.

Personal attacks are only allowed if I find them amusing.

Don’t bore me.

Do these sound unfair? You betcha. Because this isn’t a democracy.  You’re in Feminace-space and are here on my indulgence (as I am here on WordPress’ indulgence).  I do not have to respond to every demand for a conversation if I choose not to. I don’t owe you space or time. Too long have women of color been expected to just take other’s nonsense like some kind of mule, and I will not be your depository for fuckshit.

Now, now, it’s not all negative here at Seriously?!? I love to make people laugh as well as think, and I love it when people respond.  I love connecting with like minded folks, and I want to continue that.  I love the circles I am in, despite their troubles, and this little space is one of my contributions.

Thank you for your attention. We return back to your regularly (HA!) scheduled posting.

Hello friends, it’s been a while.  I blame a flare and dealing with meds for keeping me away for so long.

By now I’m sure everyone has heard about the Supreme Court decision to strike down Massachusetts’  buffer zone law.  And to the surprise of no one, there is a lot of anger (there is also a lot of smugness from the pro-harassment side, meaning Saturday might be real damn unbearable.).

It’s not the end of the line, of course. We still have FACE.  We still have basic trespassing laws.  The ruling only struck down that state law, and even proposed alternatives which can work, like making it illegal to “to follow and harass another person within 15 feet of the premises of a reproductive health care facility”.  I’d pay to see that happen nationwide.

Because this isn’t about free speech.

While I was sorting out my feels, Miri from Brute Reason posted this very good point on her Facebook page:

A common feature of bullying at all ages is the creation of plausible deniability. If confronted by an authority figure, a bully is always able to claim that what they were doing is totally harmless and that the target is not actually harmed by it, or shouldn’t be. Clueless authority figures frequently fall for this because they’re ignorant of the forms that bullying takes in that particular context, and because they miss the forest for the trees. What’s one mean note passed in class, one careless “mistake” made on a group task at the office, one possibly threatening tweet, one sign held up in your face? Indeed. But taken together, these things can be used as part of a targeted, *group* effort to shame, humiliate, terrify, or ostracize another person.

The Supreme Court is just the latest in a long line of authority figures who should’ve known better, but didn’t.

And it clicked.  Perfectly.

A couple of weeks ago, I escorted on a Friday.  Now, most of my fellow escorts have day jobs, and with my chronic illness, I can’t get out there to cover the weekdays often, but Friday tends to be a real treat.  I spent most of it alone, with about five protesters doing their obnoxious, intrusive, fucked up thing.  Being solo means having to practically have 360 degree vision at all times, because when you’re outnumbered, they like to act out.

And boy did they show their asses that day:

  • -approaching me and threatening to call the cops on me for ‘harassing’ them, because I was following them around
  • -repeatedly crossing the property line (which is trespassing, by the way), one doing so literally while my back was turned.
  • -whining when I had enough and called the cops.

It was weird.  One dude kept asking my name after that, so he could ‘report’ me to some authority or another (he’s done this before, and I assume, forgot my face), and he was the main one crossing the property line.  And they tried to make it look like I was the bad guy for doing my job.  It bugged me and it still bugged me. I repeatedly declared that Saturday that escorting was just like babysitting toddlers, except toddlers get nap time.

Then I read Miri’s post, and it clicked.

They were trying to bully ME.  Little ol’ fat, black and disabled me. The threats, the going behind my back, the pettiness and more threats after I summoned a more realistic higher power; this was some straight up schoolyard bullying without the bruises.

And this is what they try to do to patients who are already scared or nervous or even resigned.  They ignore, “No”, “Leave me alone”, “I’m not interested”, “Go away”, “Fuck off”.  They lean into cars. They tell children that “babies are killed” in the place their parent is about to walk into.  They chase after anyone that even remotely looks young, female shaped and heading in the direction of the building.  And they have the nerve, the fucking gall to call to call what they are doing “counseling”.

They tend to get all in their feelings also when called “protesters” to their face.  So, from now on, I won’t be calling them ‘protesters’ anymore.

They are BULLIES. Yes, even the grandmothery types.

And just like bullies at school, they have their apologists: those who say “Well, bullying happens, so lets just teach kids how to fight back and ignore what the bullies are doing.” Those who stick their heads in the sand in the face of actual, really, no bullshit pain that  bullies cause. The ‘higher powers’, from principals to cops to (apparently now) Supreme Court justices have been far too slack in doing what is right.

Just like in school, stopping their nonsense is going to take some risks.  We should be empowering patients who feel harassed to file police reports. The second any of the bullies step over a property line, or tie their BS signs on public property, or continue pushing their crap after being refused, there should be a call to the cops and reports filed.  If you wouldn’t put up with such behavior from a college student with a big smile and an Amnesty International vest looking for donations, you shouldn’t have to put up with it when making a personal medical decision.

And we need to start calling their fuckers what they are. Emotional and spiritual bullies, peddling shame in the guise of “help”.

Also, we need more escorts.  Everywhere.  More people to watch, to be the calm port in a storm of bullshit, to bear witness to the multiple violations of privacy and decency that happens in front of clinics all over this nation.

Saturday, the cops were called on our merry band of morons. Twice.

Were they being overly aggressive? Nope.

Did they lay a finger on an escort?  Nope.

Did they cross the property line and refuse to step back. Nope.

It was a sign.  Two,  actually. There was this one near the front entrance:

"You don't have to abort!" We also don't have to listen to you.

“You don’t have to abort!” We also don’t have to listen to you.



Even God hates your sign

Even God hates your sign

And the same sign lashed to a pole on the other side of the building.

The clinic director, who had recently informed us that we had carte blanche to drop a dime on the protesters when they step out of line, saw these signs and told our long suffering and very supportive security dude to inform the protesters that they cannot attach their signs on those poles.  So he did.  And they said they would.

Ten or so minutes later, they did not move them.  As a matter of fact, every time the wind blew them down, the protester I’ve been calling Creepy Grandpa (who is so very creepy) just lifted it back up.  So, our long suffering and very supportive (and NICE!) security guy came back out and told them he was calling the police.  They would not move their signs until the cops showed up.

They said that.  To his face.

So, we wait, and a cop drives by and the sign is taken away.  Until our long suffering and very supportive and now very annoyed security dude notes the sign on the other sign of the building was still up.  And they weren’t going to move it until the cops told them to.  AGAIN.

Oh, this is going to be an interesting couple of weeks.  I hope they stop.  I hope they get ticketed.  I also hope for spontaneous combustion, if such a thing existed.

During this whole to-do, I overheard one of the merry band whine, “They’re killing babies in there, and they’re worried about a sign?”

*HEADTHUMP*  Screw the laws, huh?


While this was happening, I was on my way back outside (after informing the clinic on what was going on i.e. the cops) with a patient, who informed me that when she was coming in with her partner and two kids, one of the merry band leaned in, trying to hand her partner their bullshit brochure (my words, not hers).  She didn’t want her partner to take it, and then the protester started talking about how “they’re killing babies in there.”

With this woman’s two kids in the back.  And these kids were young, all squeaky voiced and endless energy.  Because Screw Manners, huh?

(the mom was awesome, though.  When she gathered the family to return to the clinic for a couple of minutes, she and one of our escorts had them sing the ABC song as loud and as fast as possible to drown them out)


Also, THIS STORY.  When questioned about the choice to post graphic pictures of gore where kids who can barely comprehend where babies come from can see them, here was the response:

“It’s not something that I would flaunt in front of a 4 or 6 year old,” responded Law. “But if parents are driving by, they can ask their children to look the other way. Or they can tell their children, this is what some people do to their kids.”

Because Screw Decency. These are the same people who would screech  “What about the children?” if a same gender couple held hands or kissed in public. But Fetal Snuff Porn is perfectly okay.


Who needs Laws, Manners, Decency, Empathy, Common Sense, Intelligence, Integrity or Honesty, when you’ve got Jesus on your side?

What the shit is this fuck?

Posted: January 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

Work It?

So, let a bitch get this straight.  In 2012, we’re still doing the “hurhur men dressed like women for contrived reason is funny” shtick?  Matt Penfold sums up my feelings about it pretty solidly:

I have indeed now become a maniac over a dumb, basement-level sitcom, but I told you at the top of this thing that this show wasn’t just terrible, it was hazardous. I know that some of you out there will want to check this show out in a sort of “it sounds so bad it might be good” way, but let me be clear: This show is so bad it will suck the love out of your heart.

He does a pretty bang up job of tearing this piece of shit with lipstick apart, but damn.  I saw ads for this on the rare times the TV’s on (and not running a game or Netflix) and swore it was a joke or a horrible SNL skit (during weekday evenings, but my brain was willing to buy anything to keep from leaking out of my ears).  Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of damn near all things drag (queens, kings and everything in between) and comedy performances of actual decent variety shows, but this just goes beyond the pale by being shamefully, offensively BAD.

Yeah, it’s horrid comedy.  It’s like the writers thought that hey, even though we’re in a time in society where transgendered folks are being more outspoken and demanding their right to exist without being some kind of joke, let’s throw two dudes in a dress – and then they’re instantly accepted as women.  Not just as women, but as smart capable women, maybe smarter than the ciswomen in the show because look how these clever men bunked the “system”.  Ask a transgendered woman just how easy it is to take the affect of how a woman walks and carries herself, how her voice would sound, because instead of doing it for a job like those two chuckleheads in the show, this is for the rest of their lives.

Gah, I could rant more about it, but a) I’m fucking tired and b) I fear putting my foot in my mouth when it comes to speaking about trans issues, when I honestly desire to be an ally – and shit like “Work It” should offend anyone who sees themselves as an “ally”.