Ugh, Put Some Clothes On!

Today in “Holy Shit, Hypocrisy”, kick ass Twitter user @CardsAgstHrsmt has been posting Tweets from dudebros which say one thing…and then some pictures of them that say something else:

Yup. Women who pose half-naked lose the respect of dudes who happily post pictures of themselves…half-naked?!?  Really?

Just look at them, shameless and proud of their near nakedness, posting pictures and showing off.  Would you want your kid to bring such hussies home all like, “I want to marry him!”.  Nay, I say, nay! Just look at how little respect these men have for themselves!

Wait, what was that? I shouldn’t hold these men to the same standards as they’re holding women?  Why, I wonder? It’s not like there’s a double standard at play OH WAIT YES THERE IS!

See, boys (may I call you boys? Tough, I’m calling you boys), what you’re doing is what most mature adults would call “Being a hypocritical jackwagon”.  I’m going to assume that you probably are very aware of it, and are exploiting the fact that it’s a-okay for you to pose half-naked and get no shit for it, while a woman doing the same thing would be buried under the weight of the shit she would receive: creepy comments, harassment, calls of “slut” and “whore”, etc.  And heaven forbid if a woman held the same standards as you do.

“It’s just the way it is!” some folks will argue. “It’s a double standard, but there’s nothing we can do about it! It’s natural/human nature/*insert other evo psych bullshit here*!”

The only ones holding up that double standard are you, while the rest of us are trying to get past that sort of nonsense.  How many of these assholes (or those who nod right along in agreement) might have Tumblrs full of half naked women to wank to? Are any of them fans of upskirt/downshirt pics? Then it takes some damn nerve to judge anyone who volunteers to show off their bodies with the same pride these guys show off their pecs, abs, and chest?

My flabber is gasted.  Or it would be if I wasn’t oh so painfully aware of sexism. Do better boys.

Or at least cover up.  I can see your nipples.*

 

*Obvious Disclaimer is Obvious: Yes, I know the answer isn’t for everyone to actually put clothes on, but for everyone to be free enough to wear whatever amount of clothing they want, snap photos, and post them on any social media site they have access to.  Duh. Now you don’t have to argue for/against it in the comments.  Cheers!

Evidence, Anecdotes, and Disability

So, I’ve been fighting for disability for about 2 years now,  I’ve applied, appealed, and am now awaiting a hearing with a judge…eventually.  I’ve got legal help, and am hopeful.

I noticed when I see posts about disability on the Facebooks and the Twitters, and almost every time some person will pop in with some anecdote about their sister’s hair stylist’s grandmom’s thrice removed who’s cheating the system and how we need to crack down on this loafers who just don’t want to work and want to live off the government teat.

*sigh*

As someone on public assistance, i hear the same shit about welfare recipients.  It’s like everyone’s cheating the government or something, trying to get something for nothing, and it’s growing and how can we sustain all of these freeloaders?

Except they’re not. Yep, right in the New York Friggin’ Times.  Read it. Skip the comments, because as usual, even in the face of fucking facts, people are really, really, invested in hanging onto their bullshit.

Part of it is that BS insistence on hanging onto crap about freeloaders.  Part of it is a terrible misunderstanding about the process of getting disability, And part of it is a general misunderstanding about disability in general.

The process is long.  Almost two years for me.  It requires so much information – good luck if you haven’t had consistent health care. It requires so much waiting and waiting and waiting and fucking waiting.  Lots of people give up after that first rejection. Even more after the rejected appeal. Your life is picked apart as complete strangers examine every part of it.  If you can’t lift 30 pounds with your chronic illness, can you lift 10?  You can’t speak on the phone without a panic attack, but how about customers face to face?

It’s hard and fuck anyone who thinks it’s just as easy as “Just find a doctor who will lie for you.”

The misunderstanding about disability is frustrating as hell.  To way too many people, to be disabled means that you lie in bed in all day, staring at the wall while others care for you until the day you die.  If you have to leave the house, and you have a disability placard, you better LOOK like a ‘cripple’. Otherwise, you’re a liar, liar, liarface fraud and we all hate you.

So you get anecdotes like “Oh, I saw that guy with a bad back on a sitting mower that one time? Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to be in his house in bed all day? Liar!”

Or “What’s that? The lady who you know has depression laughed in my presence once. That’s not how depression works! She’s obviously faking it.”

Or “Didn’t I see that person in a wheelchair yesterday? But they’re walking all their own today! Liar! Faker!”

There’s no such thing as a “good day’ when you’re disabled. There’s no such thing as “good meds” that work, but not well enough for you to hold down a job. There’s no such thing as “invisible illnesses”.  Not in the black and white world of these people.

Their ignorance is to our determent. They have no idea about the details of the subjects of their anecdotes, what exactly is wrong, what treatments have been tried.  But it’s enough to judge.  Fuck them.

And no, spare me the fucking anecdotes in my comments, kay?

They Say, You Gaslight: “Sidewalk Counseling” at Its Worst

I’m going to be late for my doctor’s appointment messing around with this nonsense, but this was too good to pass up, y’all.

It’s another one of those “Feminace Rips Apart Some BS Pro-Life Screed”, but this has a special twist – I’m “supporting” local talent.  Yes, cats and kittens, a friend shared a screed, and I read it and recognized the names as being two of THE WORST of our protesters.

It’s a how-to guide about responding to the myriad objections people give when these fuckers start harassing them, and since I’m not allowed to engage while in the vest and on the sidewalk, I’m not going to let this opportunity pass me by.  Oh no.

First, just read this shit.  It’s short, don’t worry. Don’t read while driving, or drinking anything or eating anything less you choke or spill or crash.  Got it?  Good.

Where do we even start?

You can see, pretty clearly (and I’ve heard, pretty clearly), that harassment IS the name of the game.  They have responses for “objections” like:

“Back off! Get lost! Leave me alone!”

“Quit harassing us, this is hard enough already!”

“I’m just here for birth control.”

“I’m not even pregnant.”

“I’ve already made my decision.”

“Leave us alone or I’m calling the police.”

…with everything BUT backing the fuck off and respecting the speaker’s right to be left alone. This is what they train others to do as well.  Keep talking, never shut up, respect, what respect?

There’s also a great deal of gaslighting (that is: creating doubt to the point that your victims cannot trust their own judgement) in some of these responses as well. Check this shit out:

“Back off! Get lost! Leave me alone!”

“Your anger is misdirected. You are angry that you are in a bad situation, but we can help you.”

“Adoption? You think I’m going to carry this baby for nine months and then just give it away!?”

“That’s okay; how can we help you KEEP your baby?”

“I’m just here for birth control.”

“Sometimes people tell us they’re here for something else when they’re really here for an abortion. You can be honest with me. God knows the truth anyway.”

Gaslighting is a pretty insidious tactic, commonly used by abusers to keep their victims always guessing and dependent on abuser’s guidance.  And the fine folks at Pro-Life Action Ministries openly advocate this tactic of treating patients as if they themselves have not the fuck clue what they want.  That they actually want what the protesters want.  Always.  Such respect, Wow.

Then there’s outright WTFery, stuff that when I’ve heard it, made me stop in my tracks for a moment:

“You don’t need to listen to them, they are just protesters.” (from an abortion escort or worker)

“I am not a ‘protester,’ I am a ‘protector,’ a ‘protector of women and their unborn children.’”

Sure thing, sweetheart.  You pass out lit, harass every person who walks by, and wave signs.  Nope, not the actions of a protester.  Not at all.

“It’s too late. I’ve already started the abortion.”

“There’s a good chance your baby is still alive and is healthy! Babies have survived (the abortion pill or the first part of a late-abortion). Let’s call a doctor who can help you right now.”

…nice advice from people who are not medically trained. And the ‘reversal’ they’re currently trying to hype hasn’t been tested enough to be considered a mainstream procedure. Note that the only state that tried to make mentioning it a requirement had its law put on hold, with opponents stating pretty much what I just fucking said. I dunno about you, but I wouldn’t trust a bunch of non-doctors recommending any sort of medical treatment with a fuckton of evidence.

“I could die if I have this baby.”

“If that’s really the reason you’re having an abortion, let’s get you to a pro-life doctor who cares about BOTH you and your baby. Besides, this abortion could hurt you; women have even died from abortions.”

We have had a women collapse in tears in the lobby after being badgered with this shit.  Her fetus was not viable.  A doctor already told her that.  This isn’t just WTFery, it’s cruelty.

“Will you just shut up?” (from a boyfriend outside smoking)

“Okay, I’ll stop talking if you take and read this information and pass it on to your girlfriend. Otherwise, I need to tell you the truth about abortion and how we can help you and your girlfriend and your baby.”

“I will cease harassing you if you do what I tell you to do.”  Yup, that’s not harassment at all.

And now, I’ve had people ask, repeatedly, when I share my stories from the sidewalk “Why don’t the patients call the cops/mace or throw water or even punch a protester? That’s what *I* would do.”  And the fact that I have to explain this answer rankles me…sometimes.  So, here goes.

Let’s say a patient does call the cops for harassment.  That means the patients has to come out of the doctor’s office to talk to said cop and point out who exactly did it.  Now, remember, when it comes to abortions, time is of the essence. The longer you wait, the more costly and complicated the procedure will be.  So, they might miss their appointment window and have to reschedule and frankly, it wouldn’t be worth it to me. Also, now they have/know my name and address if I press charges, because police report.

And what if someone offs and slaps the shit out of a protester?  Oh boy, they can martyr that shit right up.  They can call the cops, the assailant is compelled to come down, and in some cases, the poor hurt protester won’t press charges if the patient just “talks to them”.

See the problem?

And of course, others are proud to inform me that they would happily shut these guys down with the application of either harsh words or increased volume or both.  Trust me, wanna-be warriors, you’d only be wasting your precious vocal chords.  If large angry male companions and loud angry female companions and upset, crying, screaming patients of all sorts don’t faze these assholes, you don’t stand a chance.  Not one.  See this article?  They are trained to be relentless.  Each harsh word is like getting nailed up right next to Jesus, for the unrighteous hating on you is supposed to be a sign of being a good child of God and doing something right, or something.

What CAN you do?  Volunteer.  Escort (it’s really not very difficult. I do not have Job’s patience, but I manage it at least once a week).  Donate money to abortion funds.  Bother your Congresscritters for better harassment laws that don’t put the entire onus on the harassed to make a complaint.

It’s not very sexy, but a lot more effective.

Also, #shutupann

Linky Roundup! (aka Feminace is Exhausted and Too Much Has Happened)

Hello.

How was your 4th, Americans?  Nice?  Good.

I was at CONvergence. It was fun, but also very, very exhausting for me with the whole fibro plus GAD thing.  But I did remember my self-care, so I got through it.

All while dressed in a very eye catching outfit.

…told y’all I loved me some Dragon Age: Inquisition.

Anyway, that happened and then the week of mental and physical recovery happened and now I’m here.  Still tired in the brain, but holy shit stuff happened and I can’t let it all pass without some commentary, so I’m dragging the Linky Roundup tag out of storage just for you.

** First of all: The ever awesome Iris Vander Pluym has awarded Seriously?!? a Very Inspiring Blogger Award, and I am very pleased as punch.  Thank you, Iris!  If you haven’t given Perry Street Place a gander, you simply must. And if you haven’t also given any of the other blogs on the list a gander, see previous sentence.

** I apparently missed an amazing Twitter clapback, or should I call this a clapBLACK.  There’s this hashtag that got some notice, #whitegirlsdoitbetter.  It in the vein of those “Post to make a black girl mad” BS nonsense that has white women try super hard with their attempt to copy our dance moves, gratuitous booty shots and picture of adorable interracial children.  Personally, the first two make me giggle (I’m not into body shaming, but if you’re trying to prove that your ass is better than your average black girl, HAVE SOME ASS. Otherwise, stick with what you know you’ve got and do you, okay?), and the last makes me roll my eyes.  Congrats, you have bedded a black man and have born his children.  I’m supposed to be ‘mad’ why?

So, this hashtag. I have no idea when it appeared on Black Twitter’s radar, but it did and the reactions were priceless. Blavity has the highlights.  Lesson, don’t come for us if we didn’t send for you.

** Speaking of people on Twitter who I think are amazing and should be followed by everyone, actress/comedian/general hoopy frood who knows where her towel is Pia Glenn delighted her YouTube subscribers by bringing back her trifling cousin Yvonne to explain why Black Twitter is pissed by people who pull from them without compensation.

“What’s going on with Black Twitter? The rent, bitch!”

Seriously, watch it.

** Bringing the mood down, another day, another reminder of how Black Lives Don’t Matter.  Add “exercising your own damn horses” to the list of shit we can’t do without getting some shit and then death from cops  Rest in Power, Jonathan Sanders.

** Bringing the mood up a bit, Obama’s ‘screw you’ to the Hobby Lobby decision is glorious. Fuck your ‘closely-held religious beliefs”.

** Homophobic and just plain foolish county clerks are reacting to gay marriage being a thing everywhere in this country by refusing to do their jobs.  Again, fuck your “closely-held religious beliefs”.

** In “shit I can’t believe I have to say to people news”: Ladies, a man in a kilt is not an invitation. Keep your fucking hands to yourselves, for fuck’s sake.

…and to round things off, Rest Well, Satoru Iwata-san, president of Nintendo. The gamer community will miss you terribly.

Please understand.

Black Women Can’t Be Mammies Right Now.

Another tragedy has hit the Black community.  Race-based. A terrorist attack in a house of worship.

I’ll leave it for others to talk about the details, because I’m still full of so much anger and rage and misery just thinking about it.

What I want to rant about is something related.  Look, White people, I know one of the stereotypes you hold about Black women is that we’re happy to hear your problems and hold your hand as you try to process how shit it is to be us living in this world, but we can’t right now.  To be honest, we’ve never been able to, and it’s caused a great deal of social media strife.  White people accusing us of being angry, of lumping all White people together, of not being civil enough. White people waving their burnt asses around after they stumble into a conversation and try to make it about their ignorance – and get the roasting they very well fucking deserve.

#NotAllWhites this and #NotAllWhites that.

And we need that shit to stop.  Post-haste.  I know we’re scary when the Blacks are angry, but you’ll just have to fucking deal.  “Reminding” us of #notallwhites isn’t even for us, it’s for you. You want us to reassure you that you’re one of the “good ones”, and that’s some fucked up shit when we’re hurting, which makes us even angrier and more hurt. We don’t have mental space or spoons or whatever to tend to your owies.  If you were really as much of as ally as you claim to be, you’d understand that and gives us the space and support we need to process when more Black bodies are added to the groaning pile of proof that racism isn’t over.

What should you do?  I’ll happily give you some suggestions, for free.  You don’t even have to thank me.

This racist shitstain was reported as saying some “You rape our women” BS while he was murdering folks.  That claim was for you, White women.  That claim spoke for you, White men.  Don’t agree?  Time to make that known.  Post it on FB, start a fucking hashtag on Twitter or Tumblr, write a blog post (the two linked are great), share a blog post that already states your disagreement on your social media.

Aww, you don’t think you have to go that far?  Everyone knows that you don’t agree with RacistFuck McBowlCut?  Are you sure?  Maybe your non-White friends would at least appreciate that sort of reminder.  I know I’d appreciate it a lot more than yet another #notallwhite plea that insults my intelligence.

Not fair? Think about what Black people and Muslims have to do when one of ours fucks up.  Posts, speakers, hashtags, all disowning the fucker, and if we don’t do it fast enough, we’ll have folks wondering why we’re not speaking up?

It’s not like we’re asking for the moon and fucking stars here, White friends, supposed White allies.  Nothing more than what we have to do.

Now get to it.

No Love, Me (Terrible Stock Photo Edition)

Dear Whoever Thought This Was a Good Stock Photo to Use:

No one this far along would seek an abortion unless something has gone horribly, terribly, wrong.

To use such a pic is misleading as fuck.

Stop it.

No Love,
Me.

Linky Roundup!

(aka it’s late and Femi is on a yummy food coma)

 

Your revenge fantasies don’t help actual victims of harassment.

Captain Awkward handles an article so creepy that I may have to have a stab at it. Cut-Off Culture my ass.

Call-Out Culture on the other hand?  When it comes to Miley Cyrus’ sad and unfunny “rape” crack, I’m all for it.

Not a fan of football, but damn did I smile for the whole day when I saw Michael Sam celebrating his pick with his partner.  Bring on the bigots whining about having to see teh gheys.

Linky Roundup

(AKA: Femi just finished a first draft! Yay!)

Yeah, we get it movie reviewers, the Black Widow is a sexy lady in sexy outfits. Now what about her character?

Benevolent sexism?  Still sexism!

The ever-awesome Zinnia Jones continues to call out assimilationist transmisogyny with facts, truth, and interesting censor icons.

The Ferret challenges the concept of “Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission” and why it’s complete horseshit.

Since my clinic didn’t have Saturday hours this week, here’s Katie_Speak ‘s Dispatches from the Sidewalk

I couldn’t decide between two links from the newly renamed “We Hunted the Mammoth” (formerly ManBoobz), so here’s both: How not to hit on a girl part 50-11th and how one victim of harassment is being better than her harassers 

 

Have a great day, you guys.  I might go back to bed!

Linky Roundup

(AKA: Femi’s too busy to write up a thing today)

 

Wonkette reports of a tale of a man who (allegedly!) covered some of his lady parishoners with the love of Jesus.  In the form of come.

ThinkProgress reports on a lady who thinks the only thing keep other ladyfolk from finding a good hubby to care for them is too much cash in our lady paychecks.

RH Reality Check exposes the ever-so offensive to thinking people “Abolish Human Abortion” group.

Greta Christina has a new book out!  I must get the audio, because I love her voice!

I’m trying out this recipe for roasted broccoli tonight because it’s hilarious!